5 Truths About Bed Rest

I found this on Babycenter.com.  It really hits home!  Although I've had family and friends to help out, I've experienced nearly everything below, besides what it feels like to recover after delivery....well, for me, what it's going to be like to recover from muscular atrophy AND major abdominal surgery. 

 I am currently on day 90 of bed rest and almost 34 weeks.  

Warning: this might make you cry and it's long but hey! We have time right?

Five Truths about Bed Rest (from a Mom that Knows)
October 16, 2013 at 12:20pm

By Christine W
October 16, 2013

Exhausted much, Momma? I know. I’ve been there too. I’ve worked more than full-time teaching young children, had parent conferences and after school trainings, cared for an infant, dropped off and picked up from daycare, wrestled laundry, cooked dinners and packed lunches, mowed and trimmed a large lawn, wiped down and disinfected, grocery shopped, vacuumed and mopped, changed linens, scrubbed toilets, changed diapers, fixed bottles and graded papers while my husband worked eighty hours a week out of town. How many hours are in a day, again? What I wouldn’t have given for one day to breathe…justone day.

Isn’t it funny how life can be a monsoon and then a total drought? Balance can be an elusive little booger. I remember being willing to give anything, anything, for one day without a to-do list; for one day without noise. There was a time that every minute of productivity lost sent my life into ripples of chaos. And that’s when I knew. I knew that if I wanted another child, I’d have to wait. I’d have to wait, working slowly towards the goal of nothingness. I’d need to find a way to get away from, well, everything. 

You see, I’m a bed rest momma. For the survival of my babies, I have to be able to donothing—which is a lot harder than people realize. No job, no lifting babies, no carrying groceries, no exercise, no errands, no cleaning, no cooking, no mowing…nothing. Most people think doing nothing sounds like a vacation. In actuality it is hardest thing I’ve ever done. Take it from someone who has done both. Doing nothing is much harder than doingeverything…especially for a mom. 

Truth no. 1: Bed rest eats away at the family.

The absence of a dedicated mother’s contribution in a family creates a giant wormhole that swallows the entire family. We all get sucked in, and it lasts a long, long time. It lasts so long that everyone forgets what functional, pre-pregnancy life was like. It is traumatic for the family—and no, I’m not being dramatic. When a woman goes from doing everything to zero, the void is a vacuum for the family dynamic. 

No more hands-on Mom. No more playing hide-and-seek or pulling the wagon or teaching little one to cook. No more bath games or pushing the swing or chasing bubbles. No more orderly household. Baskets fill with clutter because no one cleans them out. (And no one else knows where stuff really goes anyway.) Kids grow out of clothes because no one keeps up with shopping. Husbands gain a few pounds because no one is cooking balanced meals or packing balanced lunches. Tiny cracks in the order of things grow quickly. Those details have ripple effects. The absence of Mom is felt by all. Mom feels it, too, mainly in the form of guilt. 

Truth no. 2: While bed rest has quite an appetite, marriage is its main courseespecially for parents. 

Bed rest can put a marriage at odds quite easily. The roles of Mom and Dad in everyday life are so critical that contribution is vital to the health of the marriage. If one fails to contribute it burdens the other. Enter resentment, like it or not. Tipping the balance can make a team of two into opponents. Resentment is a sneaky little fella. Watch out for him. 

Daddies are not made to mommas, and they’re certainly not made to be both daddies and mommas at the same time for a length of time. A husband can carry a lot, but he can’t carry it all. Learn what Momma does, do what Momma does, and take care of Momma, too? That's a tall order. What Mom does and what Dad does are full-time operations. Things will pile up, and it will stay that way. And it’s nobody’s fault. 

People are quick to say, “Rest, Momma! Don’t you dare do the dishes. That can wait.” They may be right, but I wonder how long they’d last confined to the sticky, stinky, fly-swarming grotesque pile of mess that swallowed their kitchen in three days. I wonder what they tell their daughter when she has no clean underwear for school. I wonder where they sit when every seat in the living room is covered with clothes or toys or bags of whatever. 

Is it time to go over schoolwork? Well…no one can go over schoolwork without a work surface, and that little kitchen table is all we have. To reclaim the table we’ve got to put away these dirty dishes, and the sink can’t possibly hold another dish (nor can the surrounding countertop). The sink can’t be emptied until the dishwasher is unloaded. Okay, I cave. I do the dishes. Don’t judge me. 

Now I need to throw away this trash on the table, but I can’t throw it away until there is space in the trash can, and there won’t be space in the trashcan until it is taken out….sigh. I’ll just use a grocery bag to collect trash on the counter until he gets home. Now all I need to do is wipe the three days of sticky off that table and I can talk about big E and little e with my little one. 

And by the end of the day, I’m mad at Daddy. Go figure. The reality is, get this bed rest mommas—he cannot do it all. Yesterday he drove an hour and worked all day, drove an hour home, picked up little one and went to the grocery store in town, came home and fixed make-shift dinner, bathed and washed hair, brushed teeth, got her in pajamas, read her a story, and said nighttime prayers. When he finished that, he spent quality time with lonely ole me, who had watched the clock since five a.m. that morning waiting for his return. He listened to me vent and whine about all the pains and contractions and heartburn and nausea and depression and loneliness. And then he sat and drank a beer because by that point he really, really needed it. 

He cannot do it all by himself. He sees the dishes and thinks not tonight. For the sake of my sanity, not tonight! Isee the dishes and think, the mess of this house is caving in on me, and I’m losing my mind! In the bed rest lifestyle—this battle never, ever ceases. Ever. He needs to not do it. I need him to do it. 

After a while, what Daddy really needs is some time away, but what I really need is some company. He is overwhelmed. I am lonely. In the bed rest lifestyle—this battle also never,ever ceases. He needs a break. I need him here. What I need and what he needs are opposite—just like that. There’s no way around it. 

I have learned this much—if a marriage has even the tiniest pinhole-sized Achilles heel…bed rest will surface it. Don’t all marriages have one? Bed rest marriages, sooner or later, will take a good beating. My advice is to hang on tightly to each other, and hang on even tighter to your mind.

Truth no. 3: If you’re on bed rest long enough, at some point you will lose your mind. 

Ooooh it happens. As sure as the sun, it happens. Sooner or later the mind goes. The human mind was not designed to be stuck in a vegetable. It doesn’t take a genius to know that as the body atrophies the mind does funny things. On bedrest, my body rots and my mind becomes my worst enemy. 

Long gone are the days of releasing endorphins. Long gone are my exercise routines, my fresh air, my gardening, my social interactions, and my sense of accomplishment. Even the intimacy goes. (Yes, that’s outlawed, too. Lovely.) Add nausea, heartburn, contractions, insomnia, and medications and some stretch marks to my state of suspended isolation andboom—mental meltdown just waiting to happen.

While on bed rest, I’ve generated anger by stirring over situations that didn’t exist. I’ve released a fury of blame over things that weren’t anybody’s fault. I’ve rained rage over things that didn’t matter. I’ve cried for days over things my mind overthought and then re-overthought. My poor, poor husband. And after watching my craziness over-burden my already struggling family, I’ve choked on my own guilt. Enter sleepless nights. If being a woman doesn’t already make me crazy, add a pregnancy. And if being pregnant doesn’t make me crazy, add bed rest. That’ll do it. 

There’s a lot of letting go when coping with bed rest. Gone are the days of going to church, doing crafts instead of watching television, and having clean towels after a bath. Gone are the days of volunteering, going on an outing, and walking on a clean floor. Are those crackers stuck to my feet? Where did all the coffee mugs go? How long has it been since we washed these sheets? Where did those cafeteria-lady-arms come from? Yes, there’s a lot of letting go for the sake of that baby. And for me, letting my body go can prove difficult as well.

Truth no. 4: The body will go, and there is no other choice but to let it. 

I laugh at the sentiment, “She really let herself go, didn’t she?” And it’s always in reference to a woman, isn’t it? I know better than to think like that. I’ve been there. For the sake of my children’s lives, I have been there. I’ve done months of throwing up and IV fluids with hyperemesis followed by months of bed rest to avoid preterm labor. I’ve done this with three pregnancies in the last seven years. I know too well what a woman who “let go” looks like. I’ve seen her in the mirror one too many times. 

After I have a baby, recovering from the pregnancy itself is a fraction of the challenge. I also have to recover from muscular atrophy associated with immobilization—months of immobilization. Did you know bed rest patients lose up to fourteen percent of their muscle mass per week? I’m not surprised. Given a few months in bed, I’ve got dimples and rolls where no one should ever have dimples and rolls. Everything goes to mush. Some bed rest Mommas become skinny fat people, and some become big fat people. Either way the muscle mass is replaced by connective fatty tissue, and that’s that. 

After I have a baby, my circulatory system is shot. My first walk around the block makes me want to scratch the skin off my legs. Millions of capillaries and arteries in my muscles, which have long been limp and lazy, suddenly scream in demand for more blood. The sensation brings me to either itch or insanity. It takes about a month until the effects are tolerable. 

After I have a baby, my muscles have to be retrained. After the stretch of inactivity, I have lost even basic muscle memory. Suddenly, despite years of fitness training (even fitness instructing), I can’t even squat right. My weight keeps going into my toes and my knees keep going forward. It takes every ounce of my concentration to make my body do things it used to do naturally. Forget piling on the weights. I’ve got to re-learn the technique. 

After I have a baby, I also have a baby. I am nursing four plus hours a day at three hour increments around the clock. My chest is engorged and achy (and constantly leaking). I’m hauling a baby around using atrophied and disconnected core muscles. I’ve gone from zero to a hundred miles per hour while losing all hope of a good night’s rest. I’ve given birth out of a bottom that’s too sore for sitting, and I’m walking on joints that are too loose to absorb impact. I’ve lost a lot of bone mass, my immune system is compromised, and my body is bed rest-fatigued. Did I mention urinary incontinence? Oh—and I’ve got a newborn. Go back to work on top of that? Been there, too.

After I have a baby, I haven’t had control over my nutrition in months. A bed rest momma can’t go shopping for the healthy, organic foods her family loves. A bed rest momma can’t cook healthy meals. A bed rest momma graciously eats whatever is available and thanks God someone is feeding her family. Sexy is not the word that describes me after I have a baby. 

On top of everything, my house hasn’t been cleaned thoroughly in months, and all the extras have piled up—wiping out the fridge, changing the A/C filter, cleaning the bottom of the trash can, reorganizing drawers, cleaning out clutter. And I’m supposed to whip the house back into shape, spring back into full-on mommy hood, and take back my fitness in one giant leap? Get real, people!

And that’s exactly what bed rest pregnancy is—a giant dose of get real; a giant dose ofdon’t you judge me; a giant dose of fat and humble. Do I let myself go during bed rest? Yes. I have to. One does not simply “bounce back” from something like that. Bed rest mommas are still recovering a year later after all the other mommas are rocking and rolling. Give a sista some grace, would ya? 

Truth no. 5: There is but one thing on this earth that is worth this much trouble—a child. 

If you are a bed rest momma, be patient with yourself…especially if you also have to go back to work. Remember that your family has been tipped upside down twice—once during pregnancy and once after birth. You and your husband have been stretched thin pre-baby and then thrown on the newborn roller coaster. Your mind has gone from being overwhelmed by not doing to being overwhelmed by to-dos. Your body has been through the trauma of childbirth and the agony of deterioration. 

Other women will get it together faster than you, and that’s okay. Let them beat you to it. Humility can be a tough place, but it’s a gift. Get over yourself. Ignore what people think. Accept your pace. Rushing through recovery is counter-productive for the family, for your mentality, and for your body. Focus on why you were willing to put yourself through this in the first place—for that miracle.

This baby is worth every second of bedrest you gave to him. And he’s worth every second of time you spend with him instead of cleaning or working out. Pregnancy doesn’t last forever, and neither does infanthood; toddlerhood; childhood. He is what you sacrificedeverything for. Enjoy him. Forget about everything else. While he’s a baby—don’t make it about being perfect. You’ll miss the good stuff. Just breathe that baby in and be Momma. You’ve earned it.

32 Week Appointment

We made it to 32 weeks!  Our doctor is absolutely thrilled!  We had a growth ultrasound today and the baby is about 3lbs 13oz.  There is no saying what my cervix looks like since they stopped checking it at 28 weeks.  Our next appointment will be at 34 weeks and we will probably schedule our c-section (I am guessing it will be around November 22nd).  

                                                                                      

Mason loves giving his brother kisses!

30 Week Appointment

     I can't believe I will be 30 weeks tomorrow!  We never thought we'd make it this far.  This is the first time in a LONG time we did not receive an ultrasound at our appointment.  Cervical length really doesn't matter at this point.  Next time, at 32 weeks, we will get an ultrasound to check the growth of the baby.  The doctor told us he is so excited to see us every 2 weeks.  We've made it past their expectations!
     As far as bed rest goes, it will remain "strict" bed rest until 34 weeks.  I won't lie, the past 2 weeks have been rough.  I am getting restless and really bored with everything.  I've been horizontal for 63 days - 1,512 hours (I guess take a few away for appointments).  It's crazy how weak I am now.  I stood in the shower yesterday for about 10-15 minutes, and my legs got sore!   I am still determined to keep this little guy cooking as long as possible.  
     We have still been so fortunate to have my co-workers bring meals every other day.  I honestly don't know what we'd do without them!  Tom's been so busy trying to take care of me, Mason, and everything around the house, all while trying to run his business.  We are also so blessed to have Jamie and Heidi offer to help out with Mason.  They are true godsends.  They will drive here from Canton to pick up Mason and watch him on days Tom needs to get a lot of work done.  Our family also stops by to help out with housework or to help with Mason.    
     I think Mason is getting excited to meet his brother too.  Every time there is a baby on tv, he will say "Ahh, it's baby Jaxson, I LOVE baby Jaxson." Sometimes he will also come over and rub my belly.   Then again, he thinks the baby is his belly :)  

Mason's First Day of Preschool

28 Week Appointment

    I am very happy to report I have a 28 week appointment to write about.  7 weeks ago things didn't look promising at all.  After today's appointment, though,  I really feel like a ticking time bomb! During today's ultrasound, my cervix was wide open (again, I am not dilated, just open on the inside...what your body does inside when baby is ready to come out).  I have 21mm of cervix left and the cerclage is still holding in place.  The main concern right now is my water breaking.  Because of all the pressure, the doctor wants me to be very strict with my bed rest, meaning only getting up to use the bathroom.

    The good news is that the baby is 2 1/2 lbs right now!  Also, if my water would break and I am NOT in full labor, they could possibly keep me pregnant until up to 34 weeks in the hospital.  That's if contractions don't start and no infection is present.  Keep praying!!

26 Week Appointment

     Today we had our 26 week appointment (well, I will be 26 weeks tomorrow).  Our little guy weighs in at 1lb, 13oz.  Everything looks great with the baby.  I, on the other hand, have an incompetent AND dynamic cervix, which means it will open and close.  As soon as the tech started my internal ultrasound, my cervix was very open.  After watching it for a minute, it closed back up, opened back up, and closed again.  It's not dilating, but effacing.  It was crazy!  Think of a zipper on a jacket opening and closing.  That's what it looks like.  I still have about 23mm of cervix left (although it opens all the way up).  When it does open, it stops at my cerclage.  It is possible that it opens so far it would rip the cerclage out.  There are no guarantees.
     We were a little worried as we were waiting for Dr. Alquara.  I was hoping he wouldn't send me to the hospital to resume by bed rest.  Surprisingly, he wasn't too concerned.  He was hoping to give me a little more freedom, but said I need to stick to my same bed rest for now.  I am fine with that and I want to be even more strict with myself.  He also said that the high risk doctor (who put in my cerclage) and the nurses at Aultman ask about me all the time.  All doctors involved are blown away that I've made it this far.  Dr. Alquara said in their practice, they've never seen anyone who was in my situation at 21 weeks make it this far.  I am determined to be a true success story.  I want the doctors to be able to tell my story to others - to give them hope!
   

24 Weeks!

     We made it to the point of viability!  24 weeks is a huge milestone, but not good enough for me.  We need to make it way past 24 weeks.  At this point, the baby would have a 40% chance of survival.  At 25 weeks, there is a 50% chance.  At 26 weeks, there is an 80% chance - so that is my next goal!  

     We went in for our 2nd check-up since the cerclage.  Everything still looks wonderful!  I still have 25mm of cervix, and it's closed.  Baby also looks great and weighs 1 pound, 5 ounces.  I was given a shot of steroids today (along with my progesterone shot).  The steroids will help to develop the baby's lungs, in case he decides to make an early arrival.  I was walking out of the office with 2 sore hips...but that was perfectly fine with me.  
     As far as bed rest goes, it's not a walk in the park like many would think, especially for an active person.  Don't get me wrong, I will do ANYTHING to keep this baby in, and I am thankful to be at HOME on bed rest.  It has it's challenges though.  I have my good days and bad.  It hurts me that I can't play with Mason, or get him what he needs.  It's hard waking up in the morning, knowing I have to keep laying in bed.  My hips and back get sore.  I get restless legs and sore joints at night. I am losing muscle tone fast.  Insomnia is kicking in.  We had to miss our family vacation to the beach.  I can't take Mason to all the fun places I had planned for August.  I can't help get the baby's room or Mason's new room ready.  As crazy as it sounds, I can't go back to work in a month.  It's been a challenge for Tom as well.  THANK GOODNESS he works from home now, but he still needs to work, and take care of me, and Mason, and the house, etc.  He is doing a great job!  

     I try to put it all in perspective though.  I AM still pregnant.  I AM at home with Tom and Mason.  This is only temporary.  We have SO MANY caring people bringing us food and offering to help in any way possible.  I have awesome friends who come by to visit, which really helps to pass the time.  Danielle comes by weekly to lay in bed with me and watch movies.  I get texts daily to see how I am doing.  I know we have SO MANY people praying for us.  I absolutely cannot wait to hold this little guy in my arms - we WILL make it full term (or darn close to it)! 

It was hard for them to get a good picture today.  The bottom one shows his legs crossed at the ankles :)

First Trip to the Dentist

Mason's first trip to the dentist was definitely a success!  Wish I could have been there, but I was home on bed rest.  He was very compliant as he got his teeth cleaned and flossed!

June/July Pics

Can you believe it was only a penny to ride this horse in KY?

Mason and Jenna

1st Appointment After Cerclage

     It has been 5 days since being in the hospital and almost losing our baby.  We are so thankful to still have this little guy with us!  I am now 1 day shy of 22 weeks.  We went to see Dr. Alquara to make sure everything looked ok.  We received good news!  My cerclage was holding up and I still had 25mm of cervix.  They told me I had to start giving myself Heparin shots 2x a day to help prevent blood clots.  Luckily, I had gotten over my fear of needles when I had Mason.  

22 weeks