30 Week Appointment

     I can't believe I will be 30 weeks tomorrow!  We never thought we'd make it this far.  This is the first time in a LONG time we did not receive an ultrasound at our appointment.  Cervical length really doesn't matter at this point.  Next time, at 32 weeks, we will get an ultrasound to check the growth of the baby.  The doctor told us he is so excited to see us every 2 weeks.  We've made it past their expectations!
     As far as bed rest goes, it will remain "strict" bed rest until 34 weeks.  I won't lie, the past 2 weeks have been rough.  I am getting restless and really bored with everything.  I've been horizontal for 63 days - 1,512 hours (I guess take a few away for appointments).  It's crazy how weak I am now.  I stood in the shower yesterday for about 10-15 minutes, and my legs got sore!   I am still determined to keep this little guy cooking as long as possible.  
     We have still been so fortunate to have my co-workers bring meals every other day.  I honestly don't know what we'd do without them!  Tom's been so busy trying to take care of me, Mason, and everything around the house, all while trying to run his business.  We are also so blessed to have Jamie and Heidi offer to help out with Mason.  They are true godsends.  They will drive here from Canton to pick up Mason and watch him on days Tom needs to get a lot of work done.  Our family also stops by to help out with housework or to help with Mason.    
     I think Mason is getting excited to meet his brother too.  Every time there is a baby on tv, he will say "Ahh, it's baby Jaxson, I LOVE baby Jaxson." Sometimes he will also come over and rub my belly.   Then again, he thinks the baby is his belly :)  

Mason's First Day of Preschool

28 Week Appointment

    I am very happy to report I have a 28 week appointment to write about.  7 weeks ago things didn't look promising at all.  After today's appointment, though,  I really feel like a ticking time bomb! During today's ultrasound, my cervix was wide open (again, I am not dilated, just open on the inside...what your body does inside when baby is ready to come out).  I have 21mm of cervix left and the cerclage is still holding in place.  The main concern right now is my water breaking.  Because of all the pressure, the doctor wants me to be very strict with my bed rest, meaning only getting up to use the bathroom.

    The good news is that the baby is 2 1/2 lbs right now!  Also, if my water would break and I am NOT in full labor, they could possibly keep me pregnant until up to 34 weeks in the hospital.  That's if contractions don't start and no infection is present.  Keep praying!!

26 Week Appointment

     Today we had our 26 week appointment (well, I will be 26 weeks tomorrow).  Our little guy weighs in at 1lb, 13oz.  Everything looks great with the baby.  I, on the other hand, have an incompetent AND dynamic cervix, which means it will open and close.  As soon as the tech started my internal ultrasound, my cervix was very open.  After watching it for a minute, it closed back up, opened back up, and closed again.  It's not dilating, but effacing.  It was crazy!  Think of a zipper on a jacket opening and closing.  That's what it looks like.  I still have about 23mm of cervix left (although it opens all the way up).  When it does open, it stops at my cerclage.  It is possible that it opens so far it would rip the cerclage out.  There are no guarantees.
     We were a little worried as we were waiting for Dr. Alquara.  I was hoping he wouldn't send me to the hospital to resume by bed rest.  Surprisingly, he wasn't too concerned.  He was hoping to give me a little more freedom, but said I need to stick to my same bed rest for now.  I am fine with that and I want to be even more strict with myself.  He also said that the high risk doctor (who put in my cerclage) and the nurses at Aultman ask about me all the time.  All doctors involved are blown away that I've made it this far.  Dr. Alquara said in their practice, they've never seen anyone who was in my situation at 21 weeks make it this far.  I am determined to be a true success story.  I want the doctors to be able to tell my story to others - to give them hope!
   

24 Weeks!

     We made it to the point of viability!  24 weeks is a huge milestone, but not good enough for me.  We need to make it way past 24 weeks.  At this point, the baby would have a 40% chance of survival.  At 25 weeks, there is a 50% chance.  At 26 weeks, there is an 80% chance - so that is my next goal!  

     We went in for our 2nd check-up since the cerclage.  Everything still looks wonderful!  I still have 25mm of cervix, and it's closed.  Baby also looks great and weighs 1 pound, 5 ounces.  I was given a shot of steroids today (along with my progesterone shot).  The steroids will help to develop the baby's lungs, in case he decides to make an early arrival.  I was walking out of the office with 2 sore hips...but that was perfectly fine with me.  
     As far as bed rest goes, it's not a walk in the park like many would think, especially for an active person.  Don't get me wrong, I will do ANYTHING to keep this baby in, and I am thankful to be at HOME on bed rest.  It has it's challenges though.  I have my good days and bad.  It hurts me that I can't play with Mason, or get him what he needs.  It's hard waking up in the morning, knowing I have to keep laying in bed.  My hips and back get sore.  I get restless legs and sore joints at night. I am losing muscle tone fast.  Insomnia is kicking in.  We had to miss our family vacation to the beach.  I can't take Mason to all the fun places I had planned for August.  I can't help get the baby's room or Mason's new room ready.  As crazy as it sounds, I can't go back to work in a month.  It's been a challenge for Tom as well.  THANK GOODNESS he works from home now, but he still needs to work, and take care of me, and Mason, and the house, etc.  He is doing a great job!  

     I try to put it all in perspective though.  I AM still pregnant.  I AM at home with Tom and Mason.  This is only temporary.  We have SO MANY caring people bringing us food and offering to help in any way possible.  I have awesome friends who come by to visit, which really helps to pass the time.  Danielle comes by weekly to lay in bed with me and watch movies.  I get texts daily to see how I am doing.  I know we have SO MANY people praying for us.  I absolutely cannot wait to hold this little guy in my arms - we WILL make it full term (or darn close to it)! 

It was hard for them to get a good picture today.  The bottom one shows his legs crossed at the ankles :)

First Trip to the Dentist

Mason's first trip to the dentist was definitely a success!  Wish I could have been there, but I was home on bed rest.  He was very compliant as he got his teeth cleaned and flossed!

June/July Pics

Can you believe it was only a penny to ride this horse in KY?

Mason and Jenna

1st Appointment After Cerclage

     It has been 5 days since being in the hospital and almost losing our baby.  We are so thankful to still have this little guy with us!  I am now 1 day shy of 22 weeks.  We went to see Dr. Alquara to make sure everything looked ok.  We received good news!  My cerclage was holding up and I still had 25mm of cervix.  They told me I had to start giving myself Heparin shots 2x a day to help prevent blood clots.  Luckily, I had gotten over my fear of needles when I had Mason.  

22 weeks

WE HAVE HOPE!

     It was Saturday morning, the day after the worst day ever.  I woke up still thinking I'd be in the Trendelenburg position until my body decided to deliver, which could have been any day, or hour for that matter.  
     The doctor came in to see if we wanted to attempt the cerclage again.  We were still unsure, because there was such a great chance of bursting the membranes and/or infection.  It was possible I'd have it put in, then go into labor right after.  We were out of options.  We decided to check it out down there and see how things looked today.  A crew of doctors came in to check my cervix.  There really should have been popcorn provided for the show, since I was absolutely starving and they wouldn't let me eat (in case I was back in surgery).  Anyways, things didn't look too much better.  My membranes were still bulging and now I was 3cm dilated.  It became very apparent that we had one choice, and one choice only... to attempt the cerclage, no matter the risks.  Because I was 3cm, the doctor had to do an amniocentesis to make sure there was no infection present.  For this procedure, they wheel an ultrasound machine into the room so they can see where the baby is positioned, as they put a needle into your stomach.  They took out several vials of amniotic fluid to test for infection.  If there was infection present, no cerclage.  Tom said the baby reached up and was touching the needle (I guess that happens sometimes).  Again, lots of people in the room for this procedure.  These doctors were not wasting any time!  
     After about 30 minutes, my results came back with no infection.  Before I knew it, the anesthesiologist was in to go over my spinal information.  I was wheeled into surgery again, this time with my doctor, and the high risk doctor.  Deja vu anyone?  We had to sit and wait in the OR for about 15 minutes because there was an emergency c-section in the room next to me (they needed the anesthesiologist).  I was feeling pretty good and was joking with the doctors about bringing me a sandwich.  At that point I was beyond starving!  
     In no time, we were ready to go.  I was surprisingly very calm.  I even told them give me the least amount of spinal medicine possible and not to give me anything to relax me.  I felt very confident and relaxed, although Tom said he was a nervous wreck back in my regular room.  I was hoping I had enough medicine, because I told them I could still feel my legs and wiggle my toes.  But I was numb where it really mattered.  They had me strapped down on the table, which was tilted really far back.  I thought I was going to slide off!  They were using gravity to help CAREFULLY push my bag of water back where it was supposed to be.  Having the amniocentesis also helped because they took water out, in hopes to have room to push it back in.  After about 8 minutes, they said, "We're almost done," but they wouldn't tell me how it was going.  
     After 10 minutes total, the doctors announced they were all done.  They seemed to be very happy with the outcome.  They were able to push the water back in without breaking it and were able to sew up more than the 4mm of cervix I had remaining.   They were actually able to stitch up 25mm of cervix.  I was elated!    Now, anything could still happen.  I could have went into labor at anytime still.  But, I was so enthusiastic the very risky procedure was a success!  I thanked the doctors a million times.  You could tell they were equally as excited about the outcome.  I couldn't wait for Tom to hear the news!  He said he heard the doctors coming down the hall laughing and in good moods.  Our regular doctor shot him the two thumbs up!
     They got me into recovery and I could not take my eyes off the door.  I couldn't wait to celebrate the good news with Tom.  When he came in, we were both so emotional.  I was crying because I was so happy.  He was saying how proud he was of me.  I was so thankful for the amazing doctors.  We beat the odds!  I immediately called my mom and Danielle to share the news.   
     I was recovered from the spinal in no time, because I didn't have much medicine.  The bad news was they would not let me leave recovery for at least an hour.  Did I mention how hungry this pregnant person was?  Multiply that by 100!  It was about 3pm and I had not eaten my delicious hospital food since the night before.  
     We got back to our room and our families were there to visit.  I was so excited to see everyone, especially Mason.  We shared the news that we were going home in the morning, already!  I was going home on lots of pills and on bed rest.  That's ok, because I was going home with the baby still cooking!
     

Worst Day Ever!

     Today we went to Aultman for the cerclage.  They did blood work, got my IV going and had me into the OR earlier than expected!  I got my spinal, they prepped me for the surgery, and were ready to begin.  I was feeling really good about our decision to get the cerclage.  As soon as the doctor got a look at my cervix, he looked over the curtain, apologized, and said, "I'm sorry, but if I continue, I will break your water."  He said I had dilated a little more, my membranes were bulging out (that means the water that breaks when you give birth was coming through my cervix), and worst of all, I only had 4mm of cervix left.  Think of the width of your wedding band, if that!  Less than a day ago I had 24mm of cervix.  This was NOT GOOD NEWS AT ALL.  If he proceeded and my water did break, it would pretty much end the pregnancy that took 2 years to achieve.
     I was taken to recovery and the nurse brought Tom in to sit with me.  We were devastated to say the least.  Tears were flowing and I was apologizing to Tom for my stupid body's inability to hold this baby in.  I called my mom and gave her the bad news.  If I recall, I couldn't even talk because I was so upset. 
     By about 1pm, they wheeled me back into my room and put me in the Trendelenburg position for the rest of the day and night.  This means I was flat on my back with my head slightly lower than my pelvis.  I was not even allowed up to use the restroom. They were hoping gravity would help take the pressure off my cervix so they could attempt the cerclage again in the morning.  Many women are like this for months, and I was convinced I'd be in that position forever.  Oh, and I forgot to mention I started contracting every 1-2 minutes after I got out of recovery.  I was put on medicine which thankfully helped.  Meanwhile, my doctor went and found the best Maternal-Fetal Medicine doctor at Autlman, Dr. McDaniels, to get his opinion.  He was a spunky doctor with somewhat of an ego, which we liked.  He was very confident with what he could do.  They said miracles do happen, but were preparing us for the worst.  It wasn't likely we'd make it out of the hospital with a baby at only 21 weeks.  They said I had to make it to AT LEAST 24 weeks, or viability.  This means the baby has a fighting chance at survival, but that chance is only 40%.  So, we would re-evaluate my situation in the morning.
     We felt so hopeless at that point.  So many things were running through my mind.  Why? Why is this happening after all we had been through to get pregnant in the first place?  I thought of all the people who don't even want to be pregnant, but go on to have healthy pregnancies.  We wanted this so bad!  I was doing everything right.  Mason?  What am I going to do with Mason for the next several months if I do stay pregnant and have to stay in the hospital in the Tredelenburg position?  I was already crying because I missed him and wasn't there for him.  He was in great hands with my parents, but he should be with his parents.  Worst of all, all I could think about was, "I'm going to deliver this active, healthy little baby boy, and hold him in my arms until the unthinkable happens."  I was completely devastated, as was Tom. We kept trying to think positive thoughts, but it was really hard.  We cried until about 2am, then were finally able to fall asleep.